Thursday, September 2, 2010


I have a story to tell you and I just hope you have not completely tired of hearing anything about my son Jake. If you have I do apologize and understand; however, this is so healing for me and I just have to let this out.

On Mother's Day I was out in the backyard getting the leaves skimmed off the top of the pool because I was pretty sure we would have kids over who would want to swim.

Jake and his girlfriend of only a few weeks came walking back there and he had a little gift bag in his hand with a card poking out the top. He kissed me and told me Happy Mother's Day and gave me the bag. In it was one of those big glass lilac scented candles. He was grinning from ear to ear and obviously happy he'd picked a winning gift!

She was quick to tell me that he had actually picked out a Red cranberry scented candle and she made him give it to his step-mother as his REAL mother deserved the nicer one of lavender. He cast his eyes down as she told this story as if feeling that he'd made a mistake in his selection. ( He knew my favorite color was RED and that RED was the birthstone color of both of us ).

So in this small gesture of hers she had succeeded in making him feel bad. Then she quickly showed me that she had signed her own name on my card. And with her drug trembling hands she presented me with a box inside of which was a silver plated necklace with a heart and tiny key with the inscription Mother and she told me that it was from HER and not Jake.

She said I knew you deserved more than an "old" candle, so I got in Jake's wallet last night and took money out and went to Walmart on the way over here and bought this for you. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't quite know what to say and I knew too that he was barely able to make ends meet since meeting her and that he was probably feeling a little desperate knowing she had "taken" money from his wallet that he needed for gas or something essential like food, but said nothing, because he was so taken by her and felt so protective and responsible in some way. He knew she was not "right" and as he explained her to me before I met her "She is SPECIAL". Of course she was telling me that the gift Jake had bought me was not good enough so she took care of that. My heart was sad in knowing she had made Jake feel bad but I was trying to be kind to her so just thanked her and blew it off.

Well it would soon be known in a matter of less than a month that she was into drugs, alcohol and casual sex and was robbing him blind, that she was in fact responsible for the action that caused him to take his own life and that she was a horrible person with no values.

She did not know the Lord and Jake had concerns with this but it was I who had told him even before I met her that she was young and that he could be such a good influence and could lead her to the Lord. Oh my God how I wish I had not encouraged him to befriend her.

My girls told me each time they saw the necklace hanging on my jewelry box after his death to "throw the thing" away, that it was NOT from Jake. I somehow could not bring myself to do it. I felt in some way I needed to torture myself by looking at it and reliving that day. I know this is twisted, but we do strange things in grief and in trauma.

So a couple of weeks ago a package came to me and it was the sweetest little necklace. A custom handmade silver disc pendant with a Garnet birthstone and inscribed on the bottom of the disc was J-A-K-E. It was made by The Vintage Pearl and a gift from one of you blogger sisters who asked to be unnamed. Oh the joy I felt when I opened this gift.

I cried tears of sadness and of joy because this gave me the courage to throw the other necklace in the garbage where it belonged and now I have not taken this off except to photograph it, and I apologize for the poor quality of the lighting. It is truly so personal and special.

So now I have something to wear as a daily reminder of my son close to my heart and something that was truly given in love. Thank you sister. I shall never forget this.


  1. Oh Mollye - what a lovely and loving gesture that was from a blog sister. I think the circle of bloggers that I know anyway, are some of the nicest, most giving people I've ever 'met'. Big hugs and that necklace is like wearing a big hug everyday, I'm sure.

  2. okay, in tears here. I am feeling so many emotions -anger, sadness, thankfulness......

    what a beautiful gift, and yes your sweet blogging sister sent it to you, but it seems to me its straight from the hands of God through her.

    As for hanging onto the other necklace, please let any feelings of what you should have seen, said, or done fall away. I can imagine moments like those come to mind, and make you have some regrets. Honey reject those thoughts, Jake knows how much you love him. Remember the happy times.

    May God continue to heal your heart in a might way!!

    Much love,

  3. What a lovely gift from a wonderful friend. Jake is your heart my sweet friend......
    Love You With Tears on my Cheek!

  4. Momma, Jake is finally free from that wretched piece of trash. Jake wanted you to have a candle because they are like you: they give off a warm glow, they smell nice like home should, they shine light in the darkness, and they put your soul at ease. He knew you had plenty of trinkets and things you could wear around your neck, that's why he wanted to give you something more symbolic. That thieving, joy stealing twit that he was about to get shed of had no idea of the kind of person Jake was and is. To her that cheap shiny necklace is a prize to be had and coveted, like some piece of junk out of a gumball machine.

    Take joy in the candle. Burn it until it's gone and then when it is (it it's in a jar) make a new candle inside the jar using the scent he originally wanted for you. Enjoy that beautiful necklace that your friend sent you and throw the one that "you know who" gave you into the river.

    I love you!

  5. I to have tears in my eyes! What a sweet loving gift from a blogging sister! God uses us to serve him and give to others. What a beautiful and sweet reminder of your precious Jake. Each day is hard but each day will help you heal. You will let go of what you need too and keep what is important. God bless you.

  6. This gave me goose-bumps. That was such a sweet thing of Vintage Pearl to do. I see that Buddy commented here - what a wonderful son and brother!


  7. Tears and chills here...
    What did Buddy call her??? a twit...that was probably too good a name for her but we'll keep it clean here...that story was a real heartbreaker...but you knew YOUR JAKE and he knew HIS MAMA...special thanks to one of our blogger sisters who sent you that beautiful necklace...and thanks to Buddy for knowing his family...HUGS to you all...

  8. Oh my friend! You talk about Jake whenever you want to because if it helps YOU, then it in someway will help someone in the blogworld:) I love the gifted necklace with Jake inscribed on it! I wish that the girl who had to make it all about her could know how mean that was to make Jake feel that way! Blessings to you my friend! And GINORMOUS hugs!

  9. Thank you for stopping by to visit yesterday!! Mi casa es su casa is not just a saying here but actually one of the ways of life! :)

    Loss causes us to truly get to know ourselves, to find & hold on to what is important. To discard all the baggage that robs us of irreplaceable time and memories. It allows us to understand that each of us grieve in our own way and in our own time...then we start to heal...

    Pattie ;)
    Mazatlan Mx.

  10. I felt so many emotions when I read this story. Like Buddy, I agree. Burn that candle. Burn it as a symbol of your love for Jake and the glow he gave you each day he was on this earth. Don't let it sit on a shelf and collect dust. Show him how much you cared for his gift, even if it was not the color he originally chose for you. Remember that he is now a part of that candle, the story, and the lovely necklace sent you by a caring blog friend.

  11. Oh, Mollye, I'm just crying. Tears of sadness for what you're going through, and touched tears for the act of kindness of your Sister Blogger.

    I want to second (third?) what Buddy and Bleubeard said about burning the candle, and add to it: For many months after our grandson died, my husband or I would like a candle and put it in a special lamp in the dining room. It brought us an unbelievable amount of comfort, just seeing the light, knowing it was for Mitchell.

    It's a tribute to Jake that he gave in and didn't insist on the red candle, and oddly symbolic that it's lavender, the color of mourning. Burn it, and let it remind you of Jake's beautiful spirit, and light the darkness his loss has brought.

    Love, always and ever...

  12. Oh dear lady.....I have not stopped by here in such a long while....I am so truly saddened by the sad even that has happened in your life. I often ponder "why bad things happen to good people" and I have not answer...but I do believe that there is always a lesson to be learned in every matter how painful it might be.

    You are loved here in is obvious!!

    Gentle hugs,


  13. You express your heart so beautifully, Mollye! I've no doubt of God's providence, and you know what?, I could've stood and cheered at Buddy's comments. Yes, you are loved so very much!

  14. Well, through tears I will try to write a little something . . . a little something to thank you for visiting me, little me and my little problems, and thank you for your sweet words. You are living my worst fear and what I can't help but be fearful of as I try to help my son through this difficult time. You have such courage to reach out to others, like me, and share your story. I cannot imagine how your life must be . . . my best and closest friends lost their only son 3 years ago when he was 15 to an accidental drug overdose and that impacted my family beyond words. I will tell you that they have clung to sweet memories and making a difference in the lives of others and that is what saves them. Thank you for taking the time to write me. My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers.

  15. What an amazing gift of the heart. The generosity and support of our fellow bloggers never fails to inspire me. Thank you so much for sharing the story of your Jake. I read through your posts and am so very sorry for your loss. God Bless you Mollye and may he grant you the strength you need to get through until the pain in your soul becomes just a little more tolerable.

  16. It is beautiful Mollye and you can talk about Jake all you want, I think it is healthy and healing for you....:-) Hugs

  17. This is Lori, Mollyes daughter (the oldest) just wanted to say thank you to all bloggy sisters here. You have all made a huge difference by loving my momma through this. Some of you will never know (on earth) the impact of your thoughtful words - and the healing they possess. What a wonderful fellowship you have formed..
    Love to each of you all - in your own little corners of the world !

  18. Hello Lori and My mizmolley! It's been awhile since I have visited, but wanted to drop in and say HELLO! I would never get tired of hearing about Jake, it helps the soul to talk about it. I didn't talk about my Loss, and suffer with deep depression. I know when one suffers such a great loss...TALK...TALK...TALK, throw pitty parties, stay in your pj's and cry a river, take those times to grieve! I wish I would have found you a long time ago, but am so glad I found all of you now. God Bless and lots of hugs!

  19. So sorry about your Jake! What a blessing that a friend from the blogging world could minister to you and help to carry your burden.

    Thank you so much for stopping by Life Lessons. Feel free to 'follow' my blog as well! I'll be praying for you and look forward to getting to know you! Have a truly blessed weekend!

  20. Oh dear Miz M. I love hearing your stories about Jake. It makes any mom's heart feel good to hear another mom speak of her child. I cannot even imagine the hurt in your heart. What a wonderful gift to come to you from the cyberspace world. One of my daughters thinks I am living in a make believe world, I she only knew the joy I receive from that world. I will check out Kathy you mentioned. Blessings

  21. Oh Mollye - that was so sweet. And you need not to feel guilty about anything -

    sandie w/♥

  22. Like everyone else, Mollye, I have tears in my eyes too. Prayers are with you, and I'm also glad you've been able to dispose of that necklace from you-know-who.

    Remember the good times, Molly. Dwell on the special moments you shared with Jake, and continue to share them with us. I, for one, look forward to reading about them.


  23. Mollye,
    We can only wonder about the reason this girl was in Jake's life. My heart goes out to him, a young man that wanted to please his mother and a young love at the same time. You were right to encourage him to be a good Godly sent influence on this girl, what else could you do?
    If you had pointed out her weaknesses he would have wanted to protect her even more. He was an honorable young man that followed his heart. Mollye that is also what the friend did that sent you the necklace. She listened to her heart, to the small voice that told her this necklace would bless you. I am glad you were able to throw away the necklace, it symbolized something evil and horrible that entered your life. Now you can focus on that lovely red stone and remember Jake's heart and how he was listening, trying to do what was right.

  24. Oh my sweet friend Mollye..I am just weeping. I am so glad you were able to throw that necklace away, it was not a good thing for you to have, and God Bless the sweet sister who sent you that beautiful necklace..wear it with love and remembrance my dear.
    I never ever get tired of hearing about sweet Jake. I am a mom, too. He was a very sweet soul who loved his mamma and his family and tried to please everyone. God has him in a special place and I will be honored to meet Jake when I get to heaven.
    Love you sweet friend,

  25. So many people love you sweet friend of mine. I am thrilled some one here sent you something that they thoughtfully chose for you. I am sure Jake is smiling at you from heaven. I have always wished that I could take all the pain my children experience away from them. But this is how we all get through life I suppose. I am so glad I know you and I am so honored to know your family through you. You keep talking about Jake and you keep using this blog to heal. We are all here for you. I never tire of the beautiful stories you tell. Anne

  26. It's true what Mary said up above - Jake is so happy now and healed of any/all hurts. What a wonderful thought. And how lovely of your secret sister for sending you that necklace to honor Jake's memory. Just beautiful.
    Thank you for what you wrote about my Dad, Mollye. It's true, I still remember the things he taught me and will never forget.

  27. What a comfort and an answer from God as to what to do about the other necklace.
    Hugs and God Bless you my friend

  28. What a sweet gift....I would treasure the candle and the new necklace and your good memories of your sweet boy....


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