Monday, October 4, 2010
WHEW..............feels better already
A couple of you mentioned in your comments when I was clearing out my art room and hauling boxes out of the house right and left that you felt I was ridding myself of a burden and 'ya know I had not thought of it quite like that but you were right!
For some reason since Jake died, I got almost physically ill when I had to go into the art room I had not too long ago loved and loved spending my time after I had spent Punkins money on every sort of art and craft supply you could imagine. Gadgets galore, tools, scrapping, serious art paints and supplies, books, magazines, jewelry tools and supplies, beads, wire, doll heads, bottles, wax, ephemera, vintage laces, ribbons, buttons, rusty metals and the list goes on and on and on!
I still don't know why the "stuff" affected me like that. I guess the best way I can explain it is that it felt like I had too much and I got a bad feeling about that. Similar to the way a person might feel if they sat down to a table full of every rich dessert you could order and looking out the window at a hungry child. A nasty unwelcome feeling and I just came to feeling sicker and sicker with each passing day and I knew I had to do something about it.
I ended up keeping a little paper stuff for collages or whatever, my jewelry making tools like my Dremel, most of the fabric, some lace, buttons and yarns. I kept all the little things you have sent me over the past few years and much of what I've made and kept and these are just fun to look at besides I figured my daughters might want them some day. And I have a great place now to go in quite and solitude to study my bible study lessons, listen to quiet music, sew, piddle with jewelry or just sit and look. It is clean, simple and not overwhelming. I kept what I thought I might actually use someday but unleashed the hoarding tendencies of not needing 6 glue guns and well you get the point!
So I posted about my surplus of crafting supplies and sold 6 or 8 Flat Rate Boxes at a very good price and of course I didn't make a 10th of the overall costs, but that didn't matter. When the boxes were mailed I realized I hadn't made a dent in the room. So to Craigslist I went and I posted FREE ARTS AND CRAFTS! I had intended to be able to give it to an activity director at a nursing home or something similiar but I ended up with 2 stay at home moms, 1 hairdresser with a penchant for crafting with her teenage daughter and a grandmother of 2 so I was happy and they were elated.
It took me three or four days to finish the room and I'm happy with the outcome. I feel freer and a little redeemed, a little like the feeling when you've honestly made amends to someone and you feel cleaner as if you have another chance.
I have done much more than the room, I did our bedroom, dining room and the living room. I got rid of those claustrophobic feelings I was wrestling with. I almost felt as if I was being suffocated.
And just a couple days ago I went to the mail box and was surprised with a book from Theresa of They Call Me Ganky who had seen a book by Max Lucado called Traveling Light as he writes about undeserved baggage we bind ourselves with. I needed to read those words as I realized I've been carrying burdens I don't need to carry.
Oh sisters, I tell you there are no coincedences in life. God had a hand in Theresa spotting that book and thinking of me. How I thank her and when I finish it I hope it is as helpful for the kids as it is to me.
When my son died and it's been almost as if I can play movies of his life over and over in my head and of course I see no wrong or no mistakes from anyone but myself and I now know this is silly and unreasonable. Probably very typical and normal though.
This "purging" of all the clutter and surplus around here as done something amazing to me. I can now put this big ole world down and hold my shoulders up and smile.
Posted by Mollye at 9:30 PM