A Film Of How It Was And How It Is
She was a pint sized cutie with hair the color of fine wood. Almost mahogany mixed with walnut. So dark but still able to make room for light and her eyes painted from the same hue.
She came into the world so loved but perhaps didn't know it. I think she was born with fear. Fear of being alone and of not having her needs met. It may be that she sacrificed her own wants and needs to create the security she rightfully craved.
Looking back it seems so clear. It's almost like having a movie play out the past right before your eyes. A new movie is in town and you've been
given a special pass. You're the guest of honor. You smile at the parts showing the little girl sleep-overs, the Halloween/Birthday Parties and the funny little outfits so carefully sewn for 4-H Contests. You remember the little desserts painstakingly concocted by an eight year old in her Mommy's apron.
Barely tall enough to reach the sink, the scenes play on and there are smiles, giggles and so much sweetness and love.
Then someone plays a cruel trick. A mad editor has spliced someone elses home life into her precious past.
There are glimpses of frowns, of worry and the shame felt by a mother for sending children forced to walk blocks with a small red wagon filled with coke bottles to sell and watching those children shop from a grocery list hoping to have made enough from the sale of the bottles to buy Kool Aid, dry beans and perhaps a package of cigarettes for their Ma.
Who was that woman and why could she not find the strength needed to restore the smiles. What was there that always made her think that one day it would all be good again. When nothing changes then nothing changes. Why could she not know that?
The movie continues and new characters appear. New plots are introduced. There is shame in the home. Darkness. Somewhere between giggles, snuggles and warmth the doors have been left opened and a chill enters. There is pain, tears, and hurts that a band aid won't cure.
Trust is gone. The woman no longer believes. She almost cannot care. She doesn't feel. Someone has stolen her hope and dreams.
She must put the love aside. For awhile. She doesn't discard it but for a time she isn't able to use it right. It will take a long, long time to re-learn, for her to know that God is the only one who can help and to reach out and claim the strength needed to make the changes. To learn not to forget but to put the love where it belongs. Before her part ends she finally begins to get it and is able to know. All the reasons are being made clear and as a good movie should, this one has surprises. There are twists and turns but those who have sought have been granted the wisdom needed to wrap the story line and exit gracefully. The loose ends are neatly clipped and edited and there comes understanding and acceptance as the final curtain comes down. Grace has arrived. The ending is as happy as it is entitled to be. And more.