AND HOW IT IS NOW

JOYFUL



Yes a mere one hour later and I feel joyful.

These two posts were for a reason

To everyone who has remarked and graciously commented on your amazement of my strength, my ability to cope and my positive nature in the wake of my son Jake's death............I hope this will show just how my mood swings.

I am no different than any of you. Left to my own will, I would be a raving maniac, a woman lost in grief and dispair. Unable to get out of bed in the mornings and a smile would not exist. I would cry 24/7, moan, scream and not find life worth living

BUT

I have someone who is carrying this heavy load of grief for me. He walks with me daily, he listens to me, he lends his shoulder for me to cry on, he understands my grief, my sadness, my questions. His name is Jesus. He lets me scream when I need to and he places the most amazing people in my life. People who encourage, motivate, pray for us, love me, and give me the will to go on.

Every day since we buried my son has been a good day because I am alive. Everyday has also had sadness, tears and anguish. But the tears, the sadness and the anguish are coming further apart now. Each day is made up of about 90 per cent good and joyful and 10 percent of sadness. My sadness comes in little waves, they come in and they go out and the serenity of smooth sand remain. Calm. Not always happy but serene.

You see I have come to grips with the fact that my boy is still alive. Yes I said ALIVE. He resides in heaven and he is alive there. He did his job while he lived here on earth, but I have not finished. I have a job to do also. I don't know what it is, but I do know that if I let myself become sick I won't be able to do it. And I want to see him some day so I want to be well, willing and eager to live each day to the fullest.

And each one of you all help me do that. Thank You!