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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

DO-OVERS

REGRETS.............................



I've been doing a lot of reading and learning too! This article on "regrets" came from the internet and I thought it was pretty helpful and wanted to share it with you. I call them do-overs because we'd all like a chance at something we regret to do it over. Right? Well some of those we obviously cannot do-over and some of our regrets can be a chance to learn from and put them in the past and move forward with a new way of thinking and doing.

I'm having a "do-over" with one of my children and it couldn't be sweeter. How blessed we are to be able to have a do-over. God is so good sisters. I so wish I could have a do-over with my son Jake and with my mom but I can't so rather than suffer and get mired down with regrets, I want to turn these regrets into a positive and not feel the need to have another do-over with those I love.

There is no such thing as a life without any regrets. However, regrets can become either burdens that intefere with your present happiness and restrict your future, or motivation to move forward. If you find yourself overcome by regrets, here are some steps that should help you integrate them.

1. Determine what your regret really is. Do you regret something you did or something you didn't do? Something someone else did or did not do? A circumstance beyond your control? It is important to step back from the feelings of regret and identify exactly what the regret is.

2. Ask for forgiveness and make amends. Apologize for any harm you may have caused others, it does not kill to ask for forgiveness so give it a go! Forgive yourself. Forgiving others will make you happier. Be compassionate toward everyone involved including yourself.

3. Accept the circumstances. Avoid blaming others but rather take responsibility for anything that you could have better handled.

4. Deal with toxic relationships. Sometimes other people cause us to do things that leave us with serious regrets. Do you have a toxic relationship that needs to be addressed or severed?

5. Grieve for your regrets. When we feel regret, we re-live guilt, sadness or anger over and over again. Allowing yourself to experience these feelings fully with the intention of moving forward can help you stop revisiting them.

6. Recognize what you have learned or gained. When you find yourself thinking of the regret, turn your thoughts to the things you have learned and the opportunities that are now yours - even if they are not what you would have preferred. There is always a lesson even in pain and sadness. Look for the lesson and focus on it instead of what might have been.

7. Write out a plan or agreement for yourself that identifies how you could avoid having this sort of regret in the future.

And uh.........by the way if I could do it all over and find new bloggy sisters I'd say "ARE YOU CRAZY.................?" Cause you girls are the bestest ever and I just love you all to pieces!

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Dear, dear Mollye, the above comment was mine and messed up for some reason. You are the strongest woman I know. This was some writing worth reading. Such wonderful advice and some I need constant reminding of. I just saw your babies below and you are so busy, I think that is the way to deal with this. I am trying to have a do-over with one of my gd and I offered apology and a hug to her and she turned away, so the ball is in her court now. I work on the 12 steps daily and find they are the map through this life, no doubt. This is, I think similar in the making amends department. Love you girl.
    QMM

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  3. No one gets thru life without regret. In perspective some are not as much as others but they are ours & how we view them is what makes them important.
    It takes a mighty big person not to have guilt..... I find myself leaning harder & harder on the Bible Study & God the older I get. I sometimes feel very good about my progress but then there are days I feel like I could sob thru it.
    You are not alone..... We have all hurt... lost...regretted ..... but as a Blogging Sister-hood we can all lean on each other!!
    You just have to put one foot ahead of the other & before you know it you have arrived at your destination..... PEACE!!
    Love You Sweetheart!!
    Marilyn

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  4. I needed this today Miss Mollye. Thank you.

    Love to you~

    Rebecca

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  5. Oh my sweet friend! I totally agree, I am so happy to have you as my bloggy sister! I believe that we all should work on these items listed in your blog! I think we all have room for improvement:) Enjoy your day my friend, bless your sweet heart!

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  6. You are so right! And can I add one more thing I learned years back? It was in a book, but I can't remember which one, but it has been such a blessing to me: One of the things God heals really, really well is MEMORIES!

    When I keep going back to something that happened in the past, but continues to hurt like Now, I ask God to heal the memory. It's been such a miracle, so many times. After I ask, I can remember the event, but it doesn't hurt anymore! Isn't that awesome?

    Sending love, dear one.

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  7. I liked this article and man I have had my share of regrets. Hindsight is 20/20. It's so much easier to see things after the fact. But don't forget - we are human and we have done our best. Love, sandie

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  8. What a great list! Regrets and negative past memories that we are unable to let go can often cause both spiritual and physical problems. Your seven point list is very helpful, especially number 2 and 3.

    Thanks and God bless you ~Ron

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  9. Such an insightful and interesting topic today. You are such a strong person to go through what you have. I think we all need a do-over now and then..when possible. i have many regrets and often i have to hold my tongue.

    I remember a quote my girlfriend said when someone was mad at her..She said " well they will just have to get glad in the same pants they got mad in."


    Hugs Elaine

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  10. Excellent and we love you to pieces too Sister
    God Bless you sweet Mollye :)

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  11. OH MIZ MOLLYE,
    YOU ARE SOMETHING TO BEHOLD....YOU CAN SEW AND PAINT AND YOU ARE SOOOO SMART....I AM JUST SOOOO VERY PROUD TO KNOW YOU. THIS HELPED ME PERSONALLY AND I AM SOOOO VERY GLAD YOU POSTED IT.
    SENDING YOU A BIG HUG AND THANKING GOD OUR PATHS AND OUR SORORITY SISTERS PATHS HAVE CROSSED. IT MAKES YOU NOT BE A LITTLE FISH ALONE IN A BIG OCEAN.
    LOVE YOU
    SIMPLY DEBBIE

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  12. Mollye, another powerful message. Your reading and writing is certainly helping you. I learned at a very young age, actually, about writing a letter to someone who had hurt my feelings, and wrote everything I'd LIKE to say to them,,,,and then tore up the letter! It really helped then and I've done it a time or two since!

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Thanks for taking your valuable time to tell me what you are thinking about!